You cannot change her but only ___________ her

Last night I was talking with my childhood friend after many years. He has grown into man and I couldn't see none of his childhood childishness. He is a man, now. And he is in love. So obviously I enquired him about his love life and his partner and about their understanding in life. He answered me short and witty: In life, you cannot Change (with a pun!) your partner, you can only understand her. That reminded me of a wonderful quote of Osho about women & men's mentality.

The woman is not worried of freedom at all. She is ready to become a slave if only she can make the other a slave also. She is ready to move into any commitment if the other is also forced into a commitment. She is ready to live in a prison if the other is ready to live in a dark cell. And the man is even ready to sacrifice love if it becomes too risky for his freedom. He would like to live in the open sky; even alone, it is okay. He would like to live in a loving relationship, but it becomes dark and an imprisonment. So this is the trouble.

Having seen woman of THAT type who can sacrifice her freedom to slave the other, I understand these words very personally and could feel the truth in these words. When my friend was narrating some typical incidents of jealous and possessiveness salted with love, and his need for freedom and personal space, I recollected some of the words of Osho that I read, and told him in my own words. Here is the same but in the words of Osho:

If you ask for a hundred percent commitment and he asks for a hundred percent freedom, then there is going to be continuous conflict and bickering and nagging – and this is ugly. And what is the point of it all? You find somebody else. You may find someone who wants to be committed, and he may find someone who allows him freedom. One has to become aware that this asking for too much commitment or for too much freedom, are both immaturities. Somewhere one has to come to terms with the other person. Once you understand that man needs more freedom, you put down your demands for commitment. Once the man understands that the woman needs commitment, he puts down his demand for freedom, that’s all. If you love, you are ready to sacrifice a little. If you don’t love, it is better to separate. Come to an understanding that will create growth.